Your attendance is cordially Required...

Summertime. The word is synonymous with barbecue, watermelon, and all of the white women above 50 at your company picnic dancing to the Macarena and booty call.

Are company picnics mandatory?

It's hot,most of the schools are out in Virginia, but not yours, and you have two school children, you are outside listening to a coworker sing Mustang Sally in front of a few amps under a tent, and you were told that morning that you were required to attend your Area's picnic. The corporate big-wig is there wearing a Panama hat. There are three kinds of chili on the center table that is pushed up against the wall of a long hallway, taking most of the walking room. And as you strong arm a permed woman, who is bustling to get chips for her supervisor, and yours (you can really use some motivation, couldn't you; I mean "look at Allison," you tell yourself, "she's getting the boss chips... pick up your game.") you wonder why you are here.

Of course, it's kind of hard to top chips when you have an eight month old under the non-plate holding arm. An eight month old that, it should be noted, has cried when anyone over twelve says hello. You wonder where else you could be. You could be doing laundry right now, or buying groceries that you need for the house. You overhear a fellow employee telling another, "Hon, when you dance, the black comes out in you." How can I afford to take time away from other things to show up for company events that are required but unpaid, you ask.

My answer is, how can you afford not to?

The recession has taken many tolls on our economy, workforce and peace of mind. The number of areas in your company have no doubt taken cuts and even though economists speak of the economic crash in the past tense, ("When we were in the recession," "At the End of the recession,"") Were we ever at a point in it when we forgot our position in time? The question of what you pay for, what you are paid for and who is paying you should be considered when making a decision on whether you can afford to make the decision about attending the company picnic.

There are a number of things you have to do for your job that you are not paid for. I will explain these in a moment. For now, consider that statement. It can only be a good thing, because if it's true then that must mean that everyone is doing more than they need to, and really, isn't that one of the more important goals to have in a workforce?

You don't, for instance, have to pay in order to sit in the cubicle that you are working in. You also don't have to pay to use the bathroom yet. These thing are provided FOR you. No monetary compensation is due for people getting correct or incorrect information about other coworkers, as there is none for you when you hear what people are saying about you. No Gossip tax. You don't even have to pay to play fantasy baseball. Well, yes, you do.


You did have to pay for the bosses Panama hat as well, but you don't have to pay for the picnic that he's wearing it to.

The Employee Bill of Rights would state, if one existed, that the employee must adhere to administrative direction, even if unofficial, for the purpose of keeping employment secure. That's the amended version; they presented Employment Benefits Choice (EBC) before the actual bill died in the House.

What your responsibilities at this picnic are: To smile, do not stand out of the way and in the shade, and take your kids to see the fire truck, because the maintenance attendant is handing out black shiny plastic firefighters helmets. You didn't have to pay for those either, he did. And know that you could be somewhere else, if you were a selfish person.

You have a job and you do more than you need to and that really is payment enough. Hopefully now the fact of that is settling on your shoulders like the sun, because you chose to wear a boat neck shirt, and because you didn't have the sense to bring a Panama hat. Not that you can be blamed though, chances are that he got a $14,000 raise last year so he can afford to have a hat fund. You do, however make $1.50 more then you did four years ago, so if you were really invested then you could have one of those too; this is the Land of opportunity after all.

Which brings us to the main point:

Shouldn't you be getting some dip to go with those chips?