Your attendance is cordially Required...
Summertime. The word is synonymous with barbecue, watermelon, and all of the white women above 50 at your company picnic dancing to the Macarena and booty call.
Are company picnics mandatory?
It's hot,most of the schools are out in Virginia, but not yours, and you have two school children, you are outside listening to a coworker sing Mustang Sally in front of a few amps under a tent, and you were told that morning that you were required to attend your Area's picnic. The corporate big-wig is there wearing a Panama hat. There are three kinds of chili on the center table that is pushed up against the wall of a long hallway, taking most of the walking room. And as you strong arm a permed woman, who is bustling to get chips for her supervisor, and yours (you can really use some motivation, couldn't you; I mean "look at Allison," you tell yourself, "she's getting the boss chips... pick up your game.") you wonder why you are here.
Of course, it's kind of hard to top chips when you have an eight month old under the non-plate holding arm. An eight month old that, it should be noted, has cried when anyone over twelve says hello. You wonder where else you could be. You could be doing laundry right now, or buying groceries that you need for the house. You overhear a fellow employee telling another, "Hon, when you dance, the black comes out in you." How can I afford to take time away from other things to show up for company events that are required but unpaid, you ask.
My answer is, how can you afford not to?
The recession has taken many tolls on our economy, workforce and peace of mind. The number of areas in your company have no doubt taken cuts and even though economists speak of the economic crash in the past tense, ("When we were in the recession," "At the End of the recession,"") Were we ever at a point in it when we forgot our position in time? The question of what you pay for, what you are paid for and who is paying you should be considered when making a decision on whether you can afford to make the decision about attending the company picnic.
There are a number of things you have to do for your job that you are not paid for. I will explain these in a moment. For now, consider that statement. It can only be a good thing, because if it's true then that must mean that everyone is doing more than they need to, and really, isn't that one of the more important goals to have in a workforce?
You don't, for instance, have to pay in order to sit in the cubicle that you are working in. You also don't have to pay to use the bathroom yet. These thing are provided FOR you. No monetary compensation is due for people getting correct or incorrect information about other coworkers, as there is none for you when you hear what people are saying about you. No Gossip tax. You don't even have to pay to play fantasy baseball. Well, yes, you do.
You did have to pay for the bosses Panama hat as well, but you don't have to pay for the picnic that he's wearing it to.
The Employee Bill of Rights would state, if one existed, that the employee must adhere to administrative direction, even if unofficial, for the purpose of keeping employment secure. That's the amended version; they presented Employment Benefits Choice (EBC) before the actual bill died in the House.
What your responsibilities at this picnic are: To smile, do not stand out of the way and in the shade, and take your kids to see the fire truck, because the maintenance attendant is handing out black shiny plastic firefighters helmets. You didn't have to pay for those either, he did. And know that you could be somewhere else, if you were a selfish person.
You have a job and you do more than you need to and that really is payment enough. Hopefully now the fact of that is settling on your shoulders like the sun, because you chose to wear a boat neck shirt, and because you didn't have the sense to bring a Panama hat. Not that you can be blamed though, chances are that he got a $14,000 raise last year so he can afford to have a hat fund. You do, however make $1.50 more then you did four years ago, so if you were really invested then you could have one of those too; this is the Land of opportunity after all.
Which brings us to the main point:
Shouldn't you be getting some dip to go with those chips?
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
This just in; monsters, ghosts, live in mirrors.
Is that actually your reflection?
New evidence is in that supports one side of the old saying. If you have a staring contest with your mirror, and win, then it means your eyeballs fell out.
The horror movie "Mirrors" is not what is considered a recent release; but what does that mean in the current age? People say that America has a one week attention span. There have been approximately 168 hours after the serial action series 24 first broadcast on November 6, 2001 and 48 hours and one Redemption before now, was the film Mirrors (2008)
However, during the time Jack Bauer has been foiling evil-doers one day at a time, there have been too few good horror movies. The term "Good Horror Film" may be subjective; probably has to be. I recommend this movie because it blends long held horror movie principles together in a surprisingly creepy well done movie with an even plot, some mystery, some gore that seems to have found it's way out of the genre in anything produced above a 3 million dollar budget; most of all, it's just, well, scary.
Not frightened. Frightened is "Oh, dear god are these sniffles a symptom of Swine flu?"
Scared. The setting is becomingly bleak. Poor down on his luck ex-cop (he doesn't know he's an ex-cop but it is being made apparent to him) separated from a family that he needs, goes job hunting and takes a job in the creepiest abandoned fire damaged closed department store in New York City, that has a violent past. Shortly after his first night, gruesome, violent, charbroiled shadows of the buildings death soaked past begin to happen. Antics ensue.
Usually at this point in the movie the tone is set, recently, set and remains so, attempting to lock the viewer into a tight corner for the rest of the film and tying the plot up into a clean downer-ending. This has it's place, but when it is over used it can seem like a big middle finger stuck up in front of your face.
Jack Bauer- I mean, Kiefer Sutherland, is good in the role of a brooding dark personality; take for instance the 1990 classic Flatliners. I thought he delivered in his role of Ben Carson. The hero of this tale.
Ben was a detective and he tries to unravel the all of the department store's secrets. He is a dogged investigator, you know that your guy is on the right track when he kidnaps an old lady from a convent at gunpoint.
That should be the only spoiler. I promise. I didn't expect to like it as much as I did.
I can't give it tomatoes because, well, this is a blog. So I'll give it 8 eyeballs rolling around in the sink.
Speaking of eyeballs, didn't Kiefer Sutherland take a baseball cap from Wesley Crusher in Stand By Me, and give it to a guy named Eyeball? I wonder if that kid ever got his hat back... Wesley's dead big brother gave him that hat.
I haven't been as freaked out about mirrors since I saw Candy man.
Is that actually your reflection?
New evidence is in that supports one side of the old saying. If you have a staring contest with your mirror, and win, then it means your eyeballs fell out.
The horror movie "Mirrors" is not what is considered a recent release; but what does that mean in the current age? People say that America has a one week attention span. There have been approximately 168 hours after the serial action series 24 first broadcast on November 6, 2001 and 48 hours and one Redemption before now, was the film Mirrors (2008)
However, during the time Jack Bauer has been foiling evil-doers one day at a time, there have been too few good horror movies. The term "Good Horror Film" may be subjective; probably has to be. I recommend this movie because it blends long held horror movie principles together in a surprisingly creepy well done movie with an even plot, some mystery, some gore that seems to have found it's way out of the genre in anything produced above a 3 million dollar budget; most of all, it's just, well, scary.
Not frightened. Frightened is "Oh, dear god are these sniffles a symptom of Swine flu?"
Scared. The setting is becomingly bleak. Poor down on his luck ex-cop (he doesn't know he's an ex-cop but it is being made apparent to him) separated from a family that he needs, goes job hunting and takes a job in the creepiest abandoned fire damaged closed department store in New York City, that has a violent past. Shortly after his first night, gruesome, violent, charbroiled shadows of the buildings death soaked past begin to happen. Antics ensue.
Usually at this point in the movie the tone is set, recently, set and remains so, attempting to lock the viewer into a tight corner for the rest of the film and tying the plot up into a clean downer-ending. This has it's place, but when it is over used it can seem like a big middle finger stuck up in front of your face.
Jack Bauer- I mean, Kiefer Sutherland, is good in the role of a brooding dark personality; take for instance the 1990 classic Flatliners. I thought he delivered in his role of Ben Carson. The hero of this tale.
Ben was a detective and he tries to unravel the all of the department store's secrets. He is a dogged investigator, you know that your guy is on the right track when he kidnaps an old lady from a convent at gunpoint.
That should be the only spoiler. I promise. I didn't expect to like it as much as I did.
I can't give it tomatoes because, well, this is a blog. So I'll give it 8 eyeballs rolling around in the sink.
Speaking of eyeballs, didn't Kiefer Sutherland take a baseball cap from Wesley Crusher in Stand By Me, and give it to a guy named Eyeball? I wonder if that kid ever got his hat back... Wesley's dead big brother gave him that hat.
I haven't been as freaked out about mirrors since I saw Candy man.
How To Survive a Zombie Attack
The zombie apocalypse will be unexpected. Therefore, it is unlikely to be prepared for the initial shock of finding that friends and neighbors have been transformed into flesh eating corpses. To survive the onslaught, keep your wits, a semblance of logic or sanity, some forethought, and an adequate sense of direction. A strong stomach may be needed as well (one that you don't want to be devoured). Your tools will depend upon individual experience, and what is available. With some effort you may survive the walking nightmare, and never learn whether human flesh really does taste like chicken.
Get Out of Dodge
Step 1
When you see a zombie, get in the car and drive in the opposite direction. Avoid major highways and head for rural roads. Do not get sidetracked by all of the horrors that you will be witnessing, and do not stop. If you encounter one of the undead on the road, still do not stop. Accelerate slightly and try not to close your eyes. If you do close them, feel for a bump and remember to keep the wheel steady.
Step 2
Stay away from areas that are convenient for large groups of people such as city centers. Zombies are like lions; shambling, undead lions, they will follow the herd. According to Ken Foree, they may also follow something that they remember, on some sub-human level, and may gravitate towards malls or train stations.(Reference 3) Take a route that you are familiar with and can easily navigate.
Step 3
If on foot, avoid running into a areas or buildings from which you cannot escape. Make sure that your direction is picked out carefully, and try not to vary. Stay off of the road when possible and jump fences or walls often, but make sure that there is not a long drop on the other side. Avoid zombies; if you cannot do this last, go directly to Step 4 or Step 5.
Step 4
Hold your blunt instrument by the operational end. Swing your weapon with adequate force to crack the zombie’s skull; it will be necessary to use your legs and upper body to generate enough force. Aim for the head. Repeat. Be sure it is a zombie and not another traumatized survivor, because that would be murder. If nothing is available, then a sharpened piece of material which is heavier at one end will do. Be sure to sever the head completely, or cut directly into the skull to destroy the brain (more difficult).
Step 5
Firearms that should be considered are short and easy to use. Aim for the head when engaging a zombie target and destroy the brain.(References 1,2,3) Practice timing and patience if there is more than one of the walking dead. Make every shot count, and always save one bullet for yourself in the event that you are overrun (see warnings).
Step 6
Once out of any major city find shelter and water, and practice constant vigilance. After the initial attack it will be easier to identify other living survivors. Band with others over time, and go out in small coordinated raiding missions into the leftover remnants of Man's world for food and supplies. Stay armed at all times.
Step 7
Keep a constant watch out for the walking dead. If one is spotted alone go back to Step 4. Try not to attract attention. If one of the flesh eating damned sees you, they will make a hungry, sorrowful moan and chase you so kill them quickly. Any zombie within hearing distance of the sound will be attracted to it, and will follow.(See Reference 1)
Step 8
Try to establish contact with other survivors of nature's wrath, and join with them if possible. Plan Man's strike against the legion of the walking dead once your numbers are big enough to fight and ensure the continuance of the human race. Live to an old age and reminisce about the Zombie Wars.
Skill: Challenging
Things You'll Need
· A car or truck
·
· Any blunt instrument or long bladed weapon
·
· Running shoes
·
· A Shotgun
Tips
· The best form of conveyance will be a covered vehicle, however, make sure that your seat belt is safely secured and that you can exit the vehicle quickly if necessary.
·
· Do NOT get swarmed. Zombies are slow and may be easily avoided on foot, but cornered by five of them can be disastrous.
·
· Avoid trying to run down groups of the undead in a car. It may get bogged down by their accumulated bodies and you will become stuck; a group surrounding your vehicle may also tip it over.
·
· A severed head can still bite.
·
· Rely on a firearm that you already have, or obtain one from a corpse-truly dead, or at least not yet re-animated.
·
· Internet and cell phone towers may not be up, so contacting other survivors may be best established via short wave radio or CB communication.
·
· Many humans will be displaced, and depending on their nature may take on the roles of raiders, mercenaries or land pirates.
Warnings
· Your first thought will be to attain a firearm, if you do not already have one. Firearms are ideal for neutralizing any undead obstacles. Everyone else thinks so as well, and they may all be at the gun shop.
·
· Frightened people with guns may be as dangerous as the zombies. In the event that the gun, hunting, or sporting goods store has been overrun, you may be like a prawn walking into Senior’s night at Sizzler.
Keywords
· zombie apocalypse
· undead survival
· surviving the undead
· zombie survival
· walking dead
· survive zombie attack
Reference
· "The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead"; Max Brooks; 2003 [http://books.google.com/books?printsec=frontcover&id=4mcT7A371xQC#v=onepage&q&f=false]
· Zombie Survival [http://www.zombiehub.com/zombie-survival.html]
· "Dawn of the Dead"(film); George Romero; 1974 [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077
402/]
The zombie apocalypse will be unexpected. Therefore, it is unlikely to be prepared for the initial shock of finding that friends and neighbors have been transformed into flesh eating corpses. To survive the onslaught, keep your wits, a semblance of logic or sanity, some forethought, and an adequate sense of direction. A strong stomach may be needed as well (one that you don't want to be devoured). Your tools will depend upon individual experience, and what is available. With some effort you may survive the walking nightmare, and never learn whether human flesh really does taste like chicken.
Get Out of Dodge
Step 1
When you see a zombie, get in the car and drive in the opposite direction. Avoid major highways and head for rural roads. Do not get sidetracked by all of the horrors that you will be witnessing, and do not stop. If you encounter one of the undead on the road, still do not stop. Accelerate slightly and try not to close your eyes. If you do close them, feel for a bump and remember to keep the wheel steady.
Step 2
Stay away from areas that are convenient for large groups of people such as city centers. Zombies are like lions; shambling, undead lions, they will follow the herd. According to Ken Foree, they may also follow something that they remember, on some sub-human level, and may gravitate towards malls or train stations.(Reference 3) Take a route that you are familiar with and can easily navigate.
Step 3
If on foot, avoid running into a areas or buildings from which you cannot escape. Make sure that your direction is picked out carefully, and try not to vary. Stay off of the road when possible and jump fences or walls often, but make sure that there is not a long drop on the other side. Avoid zombies; if you cannot do this last, go directly to Step 4 or Step 5.
Step 4
Hold your blunt instrument by the operational end. Swing your weapon with adequate force to crack the zombie’s skull; it will be necessary to use your legs and upper body to generate enough force. Aim for the head. Repeat. Be sure it is a zombie and not another traumatized survivor, because that would be murder. If nothing is available, then a sharpened piece of material which is heavier at one end will do. Be sure to sever the head completely, or cut directly into the skull to destroy the brain (more difficult).
Step 5
Firearms that should be considered are short and easy to use. Aim for the head when engaging a zombie target and destroy the brain.(References 1,2,3) Practice timing and patience if there is more than one of the walking dead. Make every shot count, and always save one bullet for yourself in the event that you are overrun (see warnings).
Step 6
Once out of any major city find shelter and water, and practice constant vigilance. After the initial attack it will be easier to identify other living survivors. Band with others over time, and go out in small coordinated raiding missions into the leftover remnants of Man's world for food and supplies. Stay armed at all times.
Step 7
Keep a constant watch out for the walking dead. If one is spotted alone go back to Step 4. Try not to attract attention. If one of the flesh eating damned sees you, they will make a hungry, sorrowful moan and chase you so kill them quickly. Any zombie within hearing distance of the sound will be attracted to it, and will follow.(See Reference 1)
Step 8
Try to establish contact with other survivors of nature's wrath, and join with them if possible. Plan Man's strike against the legion of the walking dead once your numbers are big enough to fight and ensure the continuance of the human race. Live to an old age and reminisce about the Zombie Wars.
Skill: Challenging
Things You'll Need
· A car or truck
·
· Any blunt instrument or long bladed weapon
·
· Running shoes
·
· A Shotgun
Tips
· The best form of conveyance will be a covered vehicle, however, make sure that your seat belt is safely secured and that you can exit the vehicle quickly if necessary.
·
· Do NOT get swarmed. Zombies are slow and may be easily avoided on foot, but cornered by five of them can be disastrous.
·
· Avoid trying to run down groups of the undead in a car. It may get bogged down by their accumulated bodies and you will become stuck; a group surrounding your vehicle may also tip it over.
·
· A severed head can still bite.
·
· Rely on a firearm that you already have, or obtain one from a corpse-truly dead, or at least not yet re-animated.
·
· Internet and cell phone towers may not be up, so contacting other survivors may be best established via short wave radio or CB communication.
·
· Many humans will be displaced, and depending on their nature may take on the roles of raiders, mercenaries or land pirates.
Warnings
· Your first thought will be to attain a firearm, if you do not already have one. Firearms are ideal for neutralizing any undead obstacles. Everyone else thinks so as well, and they may all be at the gun shop.
·
· Frightened people with guns may be as dangerous as the zombies. In the event that the gun, hunting, or sporting goods store has been overrun, you may be like a prawn walking into Senior’s night at Sizzler.
Keywords
· zombie apocalypse
· undead survival
· surviving the undead
· zombie survival
· walking dead
· survive zombie attack
Reference
· "The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead"; Max Brooks; 2003 [http://books.google.com/books?printsec=frontcover&id=4mcT7A371xQC#v=onepage&q&f=false]
· Zombie Survival [http://www.zombiehub.com/zombie-survival.html]
· "Dawn of the Dead"(film); George Romero; 1974 [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077
402/]
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